The Flicker Blog and Podcast

After weeks of waiting, I finally heard about the PDI (Personal Development Initiative) scheme I recently applied for at work. The news was good – I’m on!

Unfortunately, it was marred a little by the fact that a colleague who went through the application process with me, was less successful. Being as the news bearing letter was handed to me by her, in a bar when we were hoping to celebrate together – the night didn’t proceed quite as I’d hoped. Still, I’m obviously very pleased with my own news. I guess that next week, I’ll find out what the coming year has in store.

Yesterday, Dad was 60. We had a big family party to celebrate, and I’m glad to say that he seemed to have a truly great day.

As for me, I’m not sure if the weekend’s constant reminders of the aging process/mortality are to blame – but I’ve felt a very dark mood over me for several days now. I’ve not been sleeping well either – and I never know if the insomnia is a symptom or cause for these bleaker moods. I guess it’s about time that Summer hurried up already!

An exhausting day. I have spent the whole of it going through the most gruelling selection process I’ve ever experienced. And all this for a course I applied for at work! IQ tests, interviews, role play excercises and presentations.
That said, it was actually quite enjoyable – the worst part being the anticipation and preparation. My brain hurts!

Today Louise and I visited the wonderful Gellert Thermal Baths in Budapest.

I found myself marvelling at my englishness! Why is it we find the concept of nudity and people in close proximity such a big deal? Watching the sheer matter-of-fact behaviour of the ‘regulars’ as they sat on wooden benches awaiting massages, or as they strolled in and out of the various hot and cold pools really made me aware of my awkwardness.
I feel it was a real achievment to have gotten throught the doors! Unusual, but a fantastic and memorable experience.

Heard today that I’ve succesfully made it through to the second phase of the course I applied for at work recently. Great news, but I do now have to prepare a presentation for Tuesday 16th. Not so bad, except I’m going to Budapest tomorrow and won’t be back until the evening of the 15th. What luck!

Went to the bar at work with some colleagues, then on to The John Snow in Soho to meet up with the Tui lot. After a few drinks, everyone was leaving, when Mark Collings & Corrie walked in. Of course, this meant I was doomed to staying until the bitter end, catching up – not seen either of them for ages.

Finally got home (drunkenly) at near midnight and found Louise up to here neck washing up. Being an old romantic fool – I proposed to her. Just like that!

Of course…if I had any kind of writing ability whatsoever, this would give me the ideal opportunity for the cliffhanger ending! However, I’m not one for such cliched devices – thankfully, she accepted!

Of course – we now have the big dilemna of how, where. when etc! It was the answers to these questions that have made us put it off for so long in the first place. In my drunken and therefore ‘clearer’ state of mind, I decided that if we didn’t decide that we were going to it, we’d end up debating all the less important issues for ever. What a night!

We had Louise’s friend Jen around tonight, and have drunk far too much wine.
Ended up having drunken, rambling conversations about success, and how it’s achieved.
Louise mentioned some teaching that forbids the use of the word sorry. Obviously, the thrust of this was about presenting a confident, un-repentant, self to the world, and that hesitance made your peers lose their confidence in your abilities/leadership…Whatever.

Reluctantly, I had to acknowledge that being good at something isn’t anything like sufficient. It’s often better (or at least more successful) to be bad, but overrun with self-confidence. I’d imagine that this is a theme that will re-occur on this blog (if it continues!) – it’s hardly original. Nonetheless, it’s an issue that troubles me. Repeatedly.

I’m the most paranoid person I know, yet I genuinely believe I have some worth. My frustration at less-able persons achieving success forces me to confront some rather poignant issues. Do I begrudge them their success because I feel I deserve it more? Or do I begrudge it them because it’s undeserved?

And all of this talk of refusing to apologise. It’s all good and well (or is it?) when discussed among management consultants. But, what if everyone assumed this stance? Clearly, society depends upon the submissive, passive and dominant components. If the mix varied too much, things would fall apart.

Clearly, this could go on and on.
More power to the humble – kind of.

Well, this is the first (and hopefully not the last) post to the Flicker Blog. No idea if it will develop into a structured argument about the merits of house music and graphic design (my two passions) or degenerate into inane ramblings.

I’ve been meaning to create a blog for some time with little (or no) idea as to why it will be useful. I’m imagining that it’ll be the perfect place to document the strange thoughts and voices in my head. Anyway – inspired by some recent reading online, I’ve decided to forge ahead with no idea of why I’m doing this. Lets see what happens – and hope that it’s something!